It's Thanksgiving! A time for families to come together, celebrate their multitude of blessings, laugh when Aunt Sara drinks too much wine, and maybe plan that Black Friday shopping trip. It's a time to play games, eat too much and watch football. Loosen the top button on your pants. Make yourself aware of all that you have and just how fortunate you are for having it.
If you are a Mother of Loss, you feel the void in your life deeply during holidays. Maybe you were promised an open adoption that has since closed. Maybe you had a closed adoption and still don't even know if your child-now-adult is even alive. Maybe you have met your child or adult child, but they have chosen to continue their lives without you in it, for whatever reason. Maybe, just maybe, you are in a "good" reunion, but still feel the burden of all the lost and unknown years when you left an imaginary place at the table for your MIA child.
The only words of comfort I can give to you today is be kind to YOU. It doesn't matter what others think or feel about your situation - the only person that matters is YOU. You need not rewrite you story to make it more palatable for others to accept. You know what happened to you and regardless of how vile and unbelievable the circumstances surrounding the loss seems to others, it is, as they say, what it is. Your feelings are your feelings. Know that there is solidarity with thousands of other women who sit at a table today with an empty place who feel the way you do.
I offer my sympathy for your loss. I recognize your grief for your loss and your absolute right to feel that grief. As a fellow Mother of Loss, I empathize with the never-ending, grating deep soul pain you experience. Feel your feelings. It's ok. Reach out to your supportive people today just to let them know they are important (and often, this is NOT your family). You are a survivor. Remember - Mothers of Loss are some of the strongest women in the world. We have to be.
Peace, light and blessings to you all. I for one am thankful that you are with me on this journey. Without the ability to share with fellow Mothers of Loss, I would still sit at that Thanksgiving table in total darkness. While still difficult, my light now shines because of support from women like you.
Have a peaceful day.
Thursday, November 27, 2014
Saturday, November 1, 2014
National Adoption Month - Kiss My Arse
Even though I swore to myself I wouldn't put myself through this, I've been spending this, the first day of National Adoption Month looking at posts from various agencies, individuals and organizations. I looked at the page from the adoption agency that stole placed my son for adoption, and surprisingly, nothing was on it about NAM. Back in 1976, they ran the lovely "Home of Redeeming Love" where I was incarcerated stayed until my son was stolen placed for adoption. The home is gone, but the agency is still alive and well and boasts of stealing babies "helping women for 100 years". You can find their website here if you have a strong enough stomach. Be sure to read their history. And the director likes to show up to protest open records in Oklahoma so I'm told - but that's another story.
OK, enough about me.
I noticed that as usual, adoptees are making a strong presence on Facebook, Twitter and the internet with their views on adoption. I'm glad they have the fortitude to speak out with their feelings of being adopted and their adverse views on adoption as a whole. Their stories need to be told, need to be heard and need to be recognized as the "adoption professionals" as only one can be if one has lived it. To them, I say Bravo! and applaud loudly. Standing. With conviction and a couple of tears.
Strangely absent, however, are remarks from mothers of loss or first families. You can't discuss "national adoption month" without some thought or at least a nod to us moms who have not just been "touched" by adoption - we have been thrown completely under the bus of adoption, saw the bus back up, and watched it run over us again. For where would NAM be if not for those of us who selflessly gifted our children to those who desired them (or were drug addicts and prostitutes - depends on who is talking). I searched and searched and ran across a post that does not specifically mention NAM, but I was completely floored nonetheless.
"THIS IS MY STORY & THE PAIN I'VE BEAR'D FOR MANY YEARS. I WILL NEVER FORGET YOU SON , I WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER YOUR CRY. I WISH I COULD OF SEEN YOU'RE EYES & THE TINY LITTLE SOUL GOD GAVE YOU. I WILL LOVE YOU FOREVER
A Mothers Heart cries in the darkness of her soul for the child she so longs for. No one can hear her or see her it’s a secret place that no one must know she hides her fears in this darkness with the pain each day as if a wrench was being taken upon her soul and crushing it tight that she would hold her chest in fear that she would die with this pain and never get to meet her child one day.
As the years wonder by the fear is still among her darkness crushing her soul like the waves that smash among the rocks on the ocean’s edge and then wash away and slowly disappear and she becomes sadder once again knowing it’s another day wondering where her child might be is he ok what is he doing is he happy is he thinking of her too? Does he wonder what she Looks like or how she smelt next to him as she held him in her arms when he was born, her "child oh how she longs to hold him" his tiny hands and look into your eyes !
She never got to hold her baby or look at him and hold his little hands and count his little toes and kiss him on his cheek and tell him that she was in love with him her child the child she might never meet or ever see. He was taken away from her as if she had no soul as if she didn't matter as if her tears didn't have any meaning as if she didn't have a voice a voice to name her baby, her baby who would grow to know another women as his mother
This was not fair she didn't know her child was within her own soul, growing, getting to know his mommies voice, her laughter, her cry’s her joys all that he heard while developing the bond within her as she became in her final hour of birthing, she cried with joy and she cried with fear she knew that her child would be taken never to return again.
Her spirit weaken with the fear of darkness as if the tide ripping thru the cliffs had taken her breath away her tears had fallen she knew the fear, the fear she couldn't fight back in a strange town with no one around to help her fight and run with her child, SHE was alone her child taken, stolen, never to be seen. Never to be spoken of among her relatives she had visited that summer in 1973
5,10,15,20,30,now forty years has passed her by things haven’t changed within her heart she’s cried, prayed that somay she will know her son and he will hear her story and know that she always thought of him and loved him with all her heart and soul. Never did she want to let him go he was her little angel & she is still waiting for you ,so if you’re out there please contact you're Mother me Theresa Lujan (Surname) Segues-Free
I love you I call YOU Angel
Born in: Del Rio Texas
between June 16 to 24th 1973 Born in a Home
: 604 Cuellar St. They had me drugged while in labor with you. Born:
Right on the same property as the Church of Our Lady of Guadalupe
Delivered by a family Doctor Calderon , taken away by a priest of that church Father Diaz. Not. By choice you were abducted by them.
I am sure you were taken to another state and given a different birthday and a false certificate? Why else would they have done this to me ? To us.
Your Mom & Dad both 15 at the time of your birth, both from So. Calif you are Latino /Filipino. You're Father was the love of my life, my First love both so young and broken by being apart from our love for one another, had we know i was carrying you my son we would of Been together.
One day we will be united one day , i hold on to hope & faith that I will finally get to hold you in my arms & look into your eyes & know it is you. One day my son
.Dad: Richard R. Hudgis Sr. from Wilmington, Calif
Mom from Santa Ana, Cal
Both born in 1957"
This, my friends who know nothing of adoption and those who, unfortunately, know everything about adoption, is your NAM for us Mothers of Loss. This woman that I do not know, and have never seen or spoken to, just poured her heart out for the world to see. Here are all of our feelings in this woman's words. Whether reunited with our lost sons and daughters or not, whether hiding in the darkness of fear and shame or out every weekend waving the "adoption sucks" banner, this is what we have all felt day after long day, year after year. My heart breaks for this woman. I want her to know her son. I want her to know we, the Mothers of Loss, welcome her into our fold with open arms, open hearts and listening and caring ears. Mostly, I want her to know that she is not alone in her pain. She has sisters out here. Sadly, too many sisters.
So, Kiss my Arse, NAM. I could write for a decade and not be able to capture the emotion this woman placed in one post.
And, should anyone have any information for this woman, the original Facebook post appears here.
OK, enough about me.
I noticed that as usual, adoptees are making a strong presence on Facebook, Twitter and the internet with their views on adoption. I'm glad they have the fortitude to speak out with their feelings of being adopted and their adverse views on adoption as a whole. Their stories need to be told, need to be heard and need to be recognized as the "adoption professionals" as only one can be if one has lived it. To them, I say Bravo! and applaud loudly. Standing. With conviction and a couple of tears.
Strangely absent, however, are remarks from mothers of loss or first families. You can't discuss "national adoption month" without some thought or at least a nod to us moms who have not just been "touched" by adoption - we have been thrown completely under the bus of adoption, saw the bus back up, and watched it run over us again. For where would NAM be if not for those of us who selflessly gifted our children to those who desired them (or were drug addicts and prostitutes - depends on who is talking). I searched and searched and ran across a post that does not specifically mention NAM, but I was completely floored nonetheless.
"THIS IS MY STORY & THE PAIN I'VE BEAR'D FOR MANY YEARS. I WILL NEVER FORGET YOU SON , I WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER YOUR CRY. I WISH I COULD OF SEEN YOU'RE EYES & THE TINY LITTLE SOUL GOD GAVE YOU. I WILL LOVE YOU FOREVER
A Mothers Heart cries in the darkness of her soul for the child she so longs for. No one can hear her or see her it’s a secret place that no one must know she hides her fears in this darkness with the pain each day as if a wrench was being taken upon her soul and crushing it tight that she would hold her chest in fear that she would die with this pain and never get to meet her child one day.
As the years wonder by the fear is still among her darkness crushing her soul like the waves that smash among the rocks on the ocean’s edge and then wash away and slowly disappear and she becomes sadder once again knowing it’s another day wondering where her child might be is he ok what is he doing is he happy is he thinking of her too? Does he wonder what she Looks like or how she smelt next to him as she held him in her arms when he was born, her "child oh how she longs to hold him" his tiny hands and look into your eyes !
She never got to hold her baby or look at him and hold his little hands and count his little toes and kiss him on his cheek and tell him that she was in love with him her child the child she might never meet or ever see. He was taken away from her as if she had no soul as if she didn't matter as if her tears didn't have any meaning as if she didn't have a voice a voice to name her baby, her baby who would grow to know another women as his mother
This was not fair she didn't know her child was within her own soul, growing, getting to know his mommies voice, her laughter, her cry’s her joys all that he heard while developing the bond within her as she became in her final hour of birthing, she cried with joy and she cried with fear she knew that her child would be taken never to return again.
Her spirit weaken with the fear of darkness as if the tide ripping thru the cliffs had taken her breath away her tears had fallen she knew the fear, the fear she couldn't fight back in a strange town with no one around to help her fight and run with her child, SHE was alone her child taken, stolen, never to be seen. Never to be spoken of among her relatives she had visited that summer in 1973
5,10,15,20,30,now forty years has passed her by things haven’t changed within her heart she’s cried, prayed that somay she will know her son and he will hear her story and know that she always thought of him and loved him with all her heart and soul. Never did she want to let him go he was her little angel & she is still waiting for you ,so if you’re out there please contact you're Mother me Theresa Lujan (Surname) Segues-Free
I love you I call YOU Angel
Born in: Del Rio Texas
between June 16 to 24th 1973 Born in a Home
: 604 Cuellar St. They had me drugged while in labor with you. Born:
Right on the same property as the Church of Our Lady of Guadalupe
Delivered by a family Doctor Calderon , taken away by a priest of that church Father Diaz. Not. By choice you were abducted by them.
I am sure you were taken to another state and given a different birthday and a false certificate? Why else would they have done this to me ? To us.
Your Mom & Dad both 15 at the time of your birth, both from So. Calif you are Latino /Filipino. You're Father was the love of my life, my First love both so young and broken by being apart from our love for one another, had we know i was carrying you my son we would of Been together.
One day we will be united one day , i hold on to hope & faith that I will finally get to hold you in my arms & look into your eyes & know it is you. One day my son
.Dad: Richard R. Hudgis Sr. from Wilmington, Calif
Mom from Santa Ana, Cal
Both born in 1957"
This, my friends who know nothing of adoption and those who, unfortunately, know everything about adoption, is your NAM for us Mothers of Loss. This woman that I do not know, and have never seen or spoken to, just poured her heart out for the world to see. Here are all of our feelings in this woman's words. Whether reunited with our lost sons and daughters or not, whether hiding in the darkness of fear and shame or out every weekend waving the "adoption sucks" banner, this is what we have all felt day after long day, year after year. My heart breaks for this woman. I want her to know her son. I want her to know we, the Mothers of Loss, welcome her into our fold with open arms, open hearts and listening and caring ears. Mostly, I want her to know that she is not alone in her pain. She has sisters out here. Sadly, too many sisters.
So, Kiss my Arse, NAM. I could write for a decade and not be able to capture the emotion this woman placed in one post.
And, should anyone have any information for this woman, the original Facebook post appears here.
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